This Is Wierd
by firephonixe
Summary: When House starts dreaming about being the father in the movie Stuart Little, strange and chaotic things start to happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own HOUSE or the movie Stuart Little. This is my first House fan fiction and this idea just popped into my little head. Reviews are very much appreciated. So I hope you enjoy my story. Also I would like to warn you guys that I bash the Stuart Little movie quite a lot in this story, so if you like the movie, please don't take it too seriously. Anyways, enjoy the story.**

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Cameron stuffed a fork full of salad into her mouth as she intently watched the movie. Even though it was a kid's movie, she still loved Disney's films. The glass door to House's office door opened as Chase and Foreman walked in.

"What are you doing?" Chase asked noticing that Cameron was watching a movie on House's TV.

"Taking a break." Cameron replied.

"Is that Stuart Little?" Foreman asked squinting at the TV.

"Yeah," Cameron answered.

"On House's TV?" Chase said.

"What? Is there some rule that we can't use House's TV?" Cameron inquired putting her two feet up on a counter.

"Well, probably. This is House we're talking about!" Chase exclaimed.

"You're just saying that cause you're afraid of House." Foreman reasoned.

"No, I'm saying that because I don't want to get fired." Chase explained combing his hand through his blond hair nervously.

_"Little high little ho!" _ The man from the TV cheered.

"Hey, that guy looks kind of like House." Foreman pointed out.

"You mean the father?" Cameron asked gesturing the TV with her fork.

"He doesn't just look like House; he looks like House's evil twin that has combed, clean hair and a shaven face." Chase said becoming more interested in the movie.

"Yeah, a twin with no cane, and especially none of the sarcastic, manipulative ass characteristic." Foreman added.

"Aw Foreman, I didn't know that you felt that way about me." A voice carried to the ears of the three collogues as they turned to see House standing in the door way. "I just want everyone to know that being a manipulative jackass is one of my passions. That and going into five way sex with hookers."

"House, do you have any brothers." Foreman asked.

"No, now get out of my office. Don't you guys have a job like…I don't know, saving people's lives?"

"No House we're serious! This guy looks just like you!" Cameron exclaimed while throwing her remains of lunch away.

House limped over to the TV and found himself almost looking into a mirror. "That guy doesn't look like me. I mean look at him, he's too…" House stopped thinking of the word.

"Nice?" Chase said.

"I was going to say naïve." House said gesturing to Cameron as he forced her out of his seat. "I can't believe kids can even watch this."

_"Now George, he's your little brother now…"_

_"He's not my little brother, he's a mouse!"_

"Can you imagine me dressing up Steve and kissing him on the head like he's a little child?" House said twirling his cane around in his hand gesturing the rat in the cage on his desk. "I would have grabbed her ass a long time ago." House pointed his cane at the wife in the TV. Cameron rolled her eyes. "Now go do you're jobs. Our patient guy isn't going to cure himself you know." House commanded as his employees walked out of his office. House leaned back in the chair thinking. _He defiantly doesn't look like me. Does he?_

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House limped to his bed. The soft sheets rubbed against his legs as he tried to get comfortable. House grabbed the vicodin pill from the bed stand. One pill left in the bottle. House opened the cap and dumped the pill in his mouth. House swallowed the pill as he placed his head on the pillow slowly feeling the effects of the narcotic. The slow numbing of his body, then the drowsiness of his mind making him unable to keep his eyes open.

"Honey, you should really get out of bed. You're going to be late for work!"

House groggily opened his eyes as he got out of bed. _Dam it Stacy, since when do you tell me to get up? _House swung his feet over the edge of the bed. _Wait a minute, I'm not married anymore. And tonight is defiantly not hooker night. _ House looked around and found himself in a different bedroom. _And the woman's voice sounds so familiar too. _

Not only that, but something else was missing. Something he couldn't place his finger on. _My cane! Where? _House stood up and started to walk around the room, looking under the bed and in the closet. _Wait a minute, I'm walking? There's no pain! _House jumped up and down. In excitement he pulled his pants down, and there to his amazement, his thigh muscle was there. All of it. _This doesn't make sense. Everything has a reason. I must be dreaming, but how do I know I'm sure? _Footsteps could be heard from down the hall as House pulled his pants up.

"Honey, did you hear me?" A woman with short reddish brownish hair came in the room with perfect red lipstick, and nice motherly clothes with a pearl necklace. She was the women from that kid movie named…well since House doesn't know neither do I. _Ok, I am definitely dreaming. _

"Who couldn't?" House replied. "And who are you?"

"I'm you're wife silly!" The wife replied back. "Are you feeling ok?" she went up and held her hand on his forehead with a look of concern.

"No, I think I'm hallucinating." House answered truthfully getting annoyed all ready that she was touching him.

"Oh my! I think we should bring you to the doctor at once!" she thrust clothes at House as he caught them in surprise. "You better change dear so you can say good bye to your son before he goes to school." And with that she walked away.

House stood there for a moment in disbelief. Here he was in a dream, which is replaying that stupid, crappy, kid tormenting movie and all because of Cameron. House unfolded his clothes to get a better look at them. They were completely different from his regular clothes. Nice black leather shoes, pants suite, white collared shirt, blue sports jacket with a stupid tie that didn't even match the clothes, and to top it off, a little top hat. Oh yes, he definitely had to wake up. House started to pinch himself, but nothing happened. _I have to do something that's going to push my mind past its limits. _

But then House stopped. A wonderful aroma was coming from down the hallway. Something that smelled like butter milk pancakes, bacon, sausage, and eggs with a good cup of coffee. House licked his lips. _Maybe, I can wake up later. _

So House quickly got dressed and joined his 'family' in the kitchen when he eventually found it.

"Good morning," The little boy said that had blond hair and geeky glasses. "Are you okay Dad? Mom said that you were going to the doctor."

"Yeah, just peachy." House mumbled as he poured himself a cup of coffee. The 'wife' placed a plate full of the good old, homemade breakfast in front of him. House complied and ate, and found it surprisingly amazing. _Well, this doesn't prove a thing. I could still eat when I was unconscious after I was shot…_ "These pancakes are to die for. They're as good as Wilson's." House thought out loud.

"Whose Wilson dear?" The wife asked.

"Uh…a friend of mine." House said roughly as food rolled out of his mouth.

"Honey, you know its bad manners to talk with your mouth full! You don't want to be setting a bad example for George!" The wife scolded and returned to her cooking. House made funny faces at her back when his gaze settled on the little boy. George looked at House confused. House decided to return a gaze with him sticking his tongue out full of food. George giggled as House recomposed himself.

"Little hi little ho!" a small voice called out.

"Little hay little low!" the wife called back as a small mouse climbed on the table. A walking, talking mouse now was staring at him. "Good morning Dad!" the mouse greeted.

"I don't remember doing your mother." House greeted back. The mouse stared back in confusion.

"What?"

"Dear! Look at your hair! You didn't even comb it. You can't go to the doctor like that!" House rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"I don't care how I look, so leave me alone!" House yelled. His voice echoed as he realized he really was alone. The boy, mouse and wife were gone. _Well, at least I can finish my breakfast in silence._ But unfortunately House's food was gone.

A beeping noise sounded. House stood up, whirling around trying to find out where it is. The noise increased with each second.

"Who's there?" House called out. The sound grew louder.

"Answer me!"

House opened his eyes. Sheets were twisted around his body and his alarm clock went off. House slapped his hand on the alarm, quieting the obnoxious noise. House tried to swing his legs off of the bed but the seared up making him cringe. House rubbed his thigh as he tried to steady his breathing. _Something's not right with this dream. I should have woken up when I pinched myself. Maybe Wilson will have an ethical idea…_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own House period (.) **

**Nothing starts off the summer like a brand new chapter. Well now that my school year is over I am mostly free over this summer. I would like to thank NewGuy, mikesh, Kaydee, Limaccia, EvanescentBeauty, and KrazieShadowNinja. Your reviews helped me keep going with my story. And just to let you guys know, I'm only a Junior in High School so I'm not a doctor. Most of this medical stuff in this story is either made up, or anything I watched from House. So enjoy the second chapter of This Is Weird. **

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"Wow!" Wilson commented as his voice slightly echoed through the bathroom. At the moment Wilson and House were peeing making sure to follow the unwritten man's code by leaving a stall to separate them. House had just told Wilson his dream. "That's amazing." Wilson chuckled shaking his head.

"You know what else is amazing, her pancakes!" House said, annoyed that Wilson wasn't much help so far. "You better watch out, you have some competition." House teased.

"Why are you telling me this in here?" Wilson asked indicating the bathroom. "Why not meet up on our balcony? Why has this been our meeting place lately?" Wilson wondered out loud.

"You can't get any more private than a bathroom." House answered flushing the toilet. "And besides, the balcony was getting boring. It's _so_ much more dramatic in here."

"But it's a public bathroom!" Wilson tried to reason even though he knew it was pointless.

"That's okay, I locked the door." House said as he limped over to the sinks to rinse his hands.

"You locked a _public _bathroom?" Wilson exclaimed. "What if someone has to go to the bathroom?"

"Well they'll just have to use one of the other ten bathrooms in this hospital." House replied shaking his hands as beads of water splattered the floor as Wilson zippered up his fly to follow a similar process.

"So what do you want to know?" Wilson asked.

"Know what?"

"You obviously wanted to ask me about something. I guess it has something to do with your dream." Wilson concluded. House uncomfortable played with his cane. For some reason it felt so…embarrassing.

"I think I'm hallucinating." House said after a moment of silence.

"Are you sure? It could just be a dream."

"No." House replied roughly. "I could taste food, coffee and I couldn't wake up."

"Well, what did you do before you went to sleep?"

"Well, I watched 'Girls Gone Wild Hollywood Style', drank some beer, and had one vicodin in bed, then that's it." House listed off.

"Hmm… I know this might be a long shot, but do you think it might be some effect cause by combining beer and vicodin?" Wilson said sarcastically starting to leave the room.

"It was at least an hour I had the beer before I had the vicodin, and it was only one vicodin too." House thought out loud while unlocking the bathroom door.

"Yeah, but about a billion of vicodin pills has been in your mouth for the past eight years. It has to be some cause of your hallucinations." Wilson argued walking out the door. "Listen, maybe it was a one time, weird thing." House gave him a peculiar look which made his baby blue eyes squint. "If something like this happens again, we'll do an MRI." House looked down at his cane then back at Wilson and gave a quick nod and a look that clearly said, _Tell no one._

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House limped in his office only to be annoyed that his team was there watching that god awful… unable to think of anymore vocabulary words, he decided to do what any normal person do when they're angry, pissed or annoyed; make someone else miserable.

"I know it must make you feel at home when you're watching the rat movie on _my_ TV and in _my_ office-"

"Patient guy went into another seizure." Foreman reported.

"The anti-biotics aren't doing anything." Chase stated.

"And you wanted to tell this wonderful news to me by waiting in _my_ office and watching _my_ TV?" House mumbled.

"No one knew where you were, and you didn't answer your pager." Cameron said as House grumpily limped to sit in his chair. "So we figured you were bound to come here sooner or later."

"Well, the longer you wait here, the longer it will take for you three to confirm this field trip for our patient." House threw a packet at Chase who caught it clumsily. Chase scanned the packet.

"House, this is a consent form to do a brain biopsy." Chase said.

"Well I was hoping that you would follow along and tell our patient that he's going on a dark-coma-unremembered field trip." House explained as his employee's gave him the usual disgusted look. "Maybe I should give a discreet hint next time. When I want to do something morally wrong I'll wink." House's baby blue eye shut closed at Chase as Cameron rolled her eyes.

"I'll do it." Foreman volunteered as he stole the papers from Chase's hands and started to walk out of the office.

"Oh Foreman, you're such a marten." House wiped a fake tear. "Cameron, Chase, go with Foreman." Chase shook his head as he and Cameron followed Foreman out of the office.

House snuck his vicodin out of his top draw of his desk. The lid made a small soft pop noise as House opened the bottle and shook out one pill. House flipped the vicodin in the air and tilted his head back as he made a perfect catch with his mouth. There was a slight relief of pain as House let out a sigh as he lay back on his chair. House wanted to get out of the chair and turn the damn T.V off, for the rat movie was still playing, but he was just so very tired. House felt his eyes sink heavily as he felt the comfort of sleep overtake him as the drone of the TV was slowly tuned out.


End file.
